Britney Spears Pulls All the Stops For Church


Britney Spears has already been photographed at her lowest points so many times that she no longer has any problems appearing in public with no eyebrows dressed as a Friends-era escort, especially to attend something as insignificant as church, a place, which I might add, is not nearly as opulent as Britney’s guest bathroom, which she doesn’t even wear pants in, so consider this a step up.

“Ya’ll mean to tell me the Lord don’t got heated towel holders? He really did suffer for my sins.”

I’m not a Christian but I feel pretty confident speaking for Jesus when I say that he would totally disapprove of suede boots, especially with a dress that even Kelly Bundy have rejected as “too trampy on the bottom, but not trampy enough on top.”

“Boots in Summer? Thou hast forsaken me.”

But Britney gets a pass from me because I’m a mom too and I’m lucky to make it out of the house without my tits hanging out of the bottom of my shirt, in a bad way, so she actually beat me this round.

It also appears that Britney’s boyfriend, normal guy willing to play along in order to reap substantial fringe benefits, attempted to match Britney’s mix-matched top and bottom by pulling off the same look. His top says “best man after downing ten drinks at the reception and making out with the bride’s mother,” while the bottom says, “fuck you God, this bitch is worth $200 million.”


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