Miley’s Single Ya’ll

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Page Six is reporting that Miley Cyrus has split with her finance, Australian actor Liam Hemsworth. The riff between the two became obvious when Miley was spotted without her engagement ring after Liam allegedly cheated on her with January Jones and then jetted off to Australia solo.

People from the South and people from Australia are known for being level-headed and sober, so these two were a good match. I’m sure their household was a carnival ride of flying blunt objects and swearing in unintelligible accents. Miley’s already twenty years old, if she was in her native environment she would already have at least three kids by now. So some words of wisdom to the next guys she dates: those are Smarties, not birth control.

But, don’t worry about ol’ Miley. There’s plenty of guys out there who would love to have sex with her then leave before she wakes up and starts chattering their ear off  like Sandy Cheeks from Spongebob Squarepants. Plus, she’s hard at work on her new album and is being managed by the same man who brought about Britney Spears comeback after she went crazy following her break up with Justin Timberlake, so they’ll be no shaving-off-all-her hair-and-filling-the-emptiness-in-her-life-with-a-menagerie-of-small-dogs happening around here!

Image:Fame/Flynet; Wikipedia Commons/Fair Use

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