I’ve always had an ‘open door’ policy with Brendan Fraser, as in, anytime he wanted to come over and have sex, he was welcome to, despite the fact that he’s well on his way to looking like Tom Arnold. What can I say, the guttural grunts of Encino Man really got me going. But like all women, I’m a greedy, gold-digging succubus.  So when TMZ reported that not only does Brendan pay $50,000 a month in alimony, he also spends $87,320 more than he makes each month, I had to rescind my offer. Besides, I don’t like the idea of other bitches getting my man’s money.

Do you hear me Brendan? You should have taken me up when you had the chance!

Image:By David Shankbone (David Shankbone) [GFDL (http://www.gnu.org/copyleft/fdl.html), CC-BY-SA-3.0