Throughout history there have been a handful of infamous lovers: Marc Anthony, Lord Byron, Casanova, Wilt Chamberlain and in out time, Larry King.

You don’t need me to tell you that Larry King is the pimp-player of television news anchors. The suspenders, the hair, the liver spots, the man is like Adonis reincarnate, sent from the Gods to make women swoon and verbally assault his interviewees with hard-hitting questions such as “are you gay?”

So when Katie Couric told Jimmy Kimmel about her date with Larry and claims she didn’t fall victim to his strut and swagger you know this bitch is lying,or a lesbian. Larry in action is like a tiger stalking its prey,taut and sleek,his well-defined hump bobbing gracefully between his shoulder blades, when Larry swoops in for the kill, no real woman can resist. From the Hollywood Reporter:

He picked her up at her apartment and took her to K Street for dinner.

“It was at one of these Italian restaurants where they put you right next to each other like they do all the men and their ‘nieces,'” Couric said, adding: “We had a nice enough time and we’re going home and I see that we’re going over [Arlington] Memorial Bridge, and this is not the way to my apartment. I said, ‘Larry, where are we going?’ And he said, ‘My place.’ Oh mother of god.”

Couric said that his apartment was covered with honors he’d received, like “Larry King Day” proclamations and the keys to various cities. “That was sexy,” she quipped.

She continued: “So we sat there, and what can I say? He lunged … and I started laughing a little bit because the whole situation was out of a bad Lifetime movie. I said, ‘Larry, you are such a nice man, but I would like to meet someone a little closer to my age.'”

This explains why Larry never wears a belt, a man like him has to be ready to go at a moment’s notice. Even if a God among men isn’t your thing Katie, you should have played along. Larry’s a powerful man. There’s a reason you didn’t make it as an evening news anchors, you blew it. And by ‘it’ I mean you’re chance for an unforgettable night with the legend that is Larry King, not the flaccid, shriveled penis of said legend.

Image:PD