Indian sitarist guru and rock legend Ravi Shankar passed away at a hospital in San Diego this morning. He was 92. Shankar was known for his raging sex drive, throngs of groupies and drug-fueled orgies.
Shankar is known for popularizing the sitar, a traditional Indian stringed instrument and played with some of the top rock musicians of his era. He played a four-hour set at the Monterey Pop Festival as well as the opening day of Woodstock.
“Ravi could party like no one else,” said fellow musician Allauddin Khan. “I remember this one time, Rav and I were holed up in Bangkok doing speedballs and he thought it would be fun to get an escort and snort lines out of her ass, so we called a service and this woman came to the room, but I’m pretty sure she was actually a dude. Anyway, Rav wore that tranny’s ass like a ski-mask, he almost suffocated. It was hilarious!”
Indian Prime Minister Manmohan Singh also confirmed Shankar’s death calling him a “national treasure,” before adding “except for that time he took off his pants at Gandhi’s funeral and said ‘I got your salt tax right here’ while grabbing his testicles, I think he was on PCP, not cool dude.”
Shankar skyrocketed to stardom in the 1960s after developing a friendship with Beatles guitarist George Harrison, who branded him “the godfather of world music”. The pair spent months together, with Ravi giving Harrison sitar lessons at his English home. The two shared a houseboat in Kashmir and later moved to California where they smoked copious amounts of hash and dropped acid while engaging in group sex.
“Ravi was more George’s (Harrison) pet,” recalled Beatles bassist Paul McCartney, “I’m pretty sure they were an ‘item’ at one point if you know what I mean. But we partied together a few times, and man did the ladies love him.”
“They were always throwing their knickers at him while he played, and Ravi would grab those things like some kind of crazed animal, take a big whiff and then wear them on his head for the rest of the evening. It was wild!” said Mc Cartney.
Aside from the sitar, Shankar is also known for popularizing auto-erotic asphyxiation and emetophilia. He is survived by two daughters, sitar player Anoushka Shankar and Grammy-winning singer Norah Jones.
*Disclaimer: This obituary is hyperbole and not even remotely based in reality.
Image:By Ravi Shankar 2009.jpg: Alexandra Ignatenko derivative work: Hekerui (Ravi Shankar 2009.jpg)