I don’t have testicles, but if I did they would have shriveled up into little purple raisins and hidden themselves in the darkest recesses of my taint after Nick Cannon told Howard Stern that he and Mariah Carey have sex to her music and that he wanks to ‘Hero’ when she’s not around. I’m sure during the interview Mariah had a shock buzzer attached to Nick’s nutsack as she sat in the greenroom listening and saying, ‘that’s right, you’re MY bitch.”

And I thought getting off to Cat Porn (SFW) was weird. Turns out, I’m comparatively normal.