Over the weekend Will Smith and his hideously-deformed celebrity spawn, Jaden, (wait, I’m being told that’s just what he looks like, nevermind,) attended the Champions League Festival in London where they were invited on to the field to attempt a penalty kick, and by ‘attempt’ I mean Will pranced around like a fluffer trying to make a good impression on his first day on the set of Deep Penetration 9 before completely blowing it, pun intended. Keep in mind this is the man we’re all supposed to believe has saved the world on numerous occasions with his physical prowess and know-how of firearms. So much for my willing suspension of disbelief, Agent Jay. In fact, saying Will Smith kicks like a girl is a little sexist on my part because I’m pretty sure even Helen Keller could have at least made contact with the ball.