Above: Ryan Lochte doing the same thing Kim Kardashian did to get rich and famous, but with less fluid.

Somebody give Ray J a glass of water and tell him to get primed. Ryan Lochte’s new reality show on E! premieres April 21^st and he’s sat down for a photoshoot with the Hollywood Reporter where he expresses his desire to emulate the network’s other semi-retarded, yet somehow wildly-successful reality star, Kim Kardashian.

“Kim started from pretty much nothing, and now everyone everywhere knows who she is,” he says. “That’s what I want to do…I’ve seen what E! has done in the past with reality shows like hers,” he says admiringly of his now network co-star, whom he has not yet met. “Today, she’s huge.”

I’m not sure if he meant that last sentence  figuratively or literally, but poor Ryan’s gonna have some big shoes to fills. He’s only famous because he has a head as rock-hard as his abs and  because  he trained for years to be in peak physical condition to compete against the World’s greatest athletes and win gold at the 2012 Olympics. Kim Kardashian had sex. On camera. Not just anybody can do that. It takes practice dammit! And a soulless mother willing to market it.