There’s nothing The Vadge hates more than children, except celebrity children, I’m looking at you Vivienne Jolie-Pitt! Topping my list of detestable celebrity spawn is Willow Smith. Mostly because she’s always throwing some serious side shade out her squinty eyes. How does a 12-year-old look so fucking smug? Oh, wait.
If you thought for a minute I was above making fun of children, you’re kind of right, but the minute Willow signed a record deal with Jay-Z and started collaborating with Nicki Minaj any reservations I might have had about a pre-teen’s self-esteem went out the door. That condescending look tells me girl has enough self-esteem for her and James Franco.
But despite being on the fast track to international stardom and a stint in rehab by the time she’s 15, Willow has decided to take a break from her budding career. (I can’t tell you how much it filled me with bile to think of a tween with a career as I sit in my pajamas at noon covered in baby boogers writing this blog.) Willow’s famous dad explains why she put the brakes on her latest movie Annie:
“Willow was supposed to be doing Annie. We got Jay-Z to do the movie [and] got the studio to come in. [But] Willow had such a difficult time on tour with ‘Whip my Hair’ and she said, ‘You know Daddy, I don’t think so,'” the entertainer recalled. “I said, ‘Baby, hold up! I said no, no, no. Listen, you’ll be in New York with all of your friends and Beyonce will be there. You will be singing and dancing.’ And she looked at me and said, ‘Daddy, I have a better idea, how about I just be 12.'”
That couldn’t have sounded more scripted and contrived if it came right out of an episode of “Fresh Prince”. Nice try though Will, trying to make Willow sound like a sweet, humble daddy’s girl wanting to enjoys the last moments of her childhood when we all know the real conversation was more like, “Daddy, I ain’t about to play no red-haired, white girl in some tired-ass piece of revived Broadway. And Beyonce is 2008, get me Rita Oro. And I want the script rewritten so that there’s no orphans and Annie drives a Bentley. Then we can talk my salary.”
Image:By Harrywad [CC-BY-SA-3.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0)%5D, via Wikimedia Commons