Monday Pregnancy Madness


Since the world lost interest in her exactly two day, 4 hours and 26 minutes after debuting her gaping butthole to the world, something I refer to as ‘losing your mystique,’ Farrah Abraham was photographed over the weekend purchasing a pregnancy test. What better to way to cling to the last remnants of the attention you got filming a professional porno that you pretended was a leaked private tape than getting pregnant by the porn star you let raw dog your dirt road? (Note: I’m not sure you can actually get pregnant that way.)

And in what Farrah would desperately like to think of as ‘related’ news despite not even living in the same stratosphere, music insiders are speculating that Beyonce is pregnant with her second baby, which seems a lot more believable. I’ll bet you anything Beyonce doesn’t do anal. From Page Six:

Music insiders are chattering about Beyoncé expecting her second child with husband Jay-Z. Multiple sources told us after the Met Gala last week that the singer, who is currently in the middle of a world tour, is pregnant…Beyoncé’s rep didn’t get back to us for comment. But we wouldn’t expect her to — the singer announced she was pregnant with Blue Ivy at the 2011 MTV Music Awards by revealing her bump on the red carpet.

So the weekend has given us one hey-look-I’m buying-a-pregnancy-test grab for relevancy and one I’ll-tell-you-I’m-pregnant-when-this-baby-falls-from-my-cold-slippery-vagina. The world always seems to equalize, it’s like the yin and the yang. In fact I’m feeling so good about this I’ve written a haiku:

The world balances

In its perfect harmony

One fake pregnancy

Says ‘hey look at me’

Beyonce; celebrity

Silent like a stone


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