Tom Cruise has revealed to a German magazine that he was surprised when Katie Holmes suddenly filed for divorce from him last June, saying “I did not expect that.”

“I thought she might try to kill me or maybe drown Suri in the pool; but divorce? She’s a Catholic!”

To put this in context, Tom Cruise believes that alien souls were placed in volcanoes on Earth and then blown up with nuclear weapons, and that those souls are the origin of human life on this planet. Yet he somehow has a hard time believing that a 34-year-old woman with a child would grow tired of a 50-year-old man hooking her up to an e-meter and asking an endless series of questions intended to make her admit she’s actually a 100,000-year-old alien.

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